Talk about emotions?
Not that I ever did much, and I don't know why.
Actually, I do.
But maybe most things are better off forgetting, not knowing, and not thinking about, if it would bed time easier, and more forgiving.
I do tell myself sometimes to stop caring for those that don't even bother with me.
Because life isn't waiting for me on this side of the world anyway. What have I got to lose?
Yet, my contradictory behavior that I choose to ignore, but the fact that I also pray for the opposite of cold, distant and hostile perceptions, isn't what I intended.
But that's how the universe works, right?
Just like ball and wall, whatever you throw out subconciously, finds its way back at you.
And if anger would only disappear off elsewhere the minute you let it go, there wouldn't be so many broken hearts, broken friendships, and even broken families out there right?
Maybe it is fear, that confuses life so much, and the constant insecurities that make things seem so of order, out of control.
But now I feel like everything could just be a hole which I dug up for myself.
One that was not obvious to begin with, yet it just lies there, right beneath your feet, wide opened, waiting for you to fall.
That, was in the nightmare.
The thought of it pretty much scared me, and I soon realized that maybe my going with the natural order, and believing that things should flow by themselves, are only excuses that I use to avoid certain someone (can't think of a plural), and not having to encounter my problems face to face with them. But the truth is, that all of it only challenges and result continually in situations which probably..generate even more anger within oneself?
Yet, I guess it is not to late for me, or anyone out there, to embrace who we really are, and look honestly into what we perceive, how we feel and to come face to face to our problems, with courage, and with love.
I'm not saying that this is something which I can fix straight away, because it might take days, months and even years.
But maybe it is about finding slowly what underlies all those unsatisfactions and to deal with them directly.
Afterall,
"You choose to create within physical reality the reality that your soul wishes to create."
Goodnight.
